And Jacob was left alone. And a man
wrestled with him until the breaking of the day. When the man saw that he did
not prevail against Jacob, he touched his hip socket, and Jacob's hip was put
out of joint as he wrestled with him. Then he said, “Let me go, for the day has
broken.” But Jacob said, “I will not let you go unless you bless me.” And he
said to him, “What is your name?” And he said, “Jacob.” Then he said, “Your
name shall no longer be called Jacob, but
Life hurts. A lot. Sure, being
alive is awesome and I’m definitely not a nihilist. But we’re fallen humans
living in a fallen world. Everything good was shattered by mankind’s decision to be
independent of God. That choice left behind sharp, jagged shards and they lie
everywhere; we inevitably cut ourselves everyday.
We all have
days that we ask, “what’s the point?” We experience illnesses, accidents, loss
and grief, broken dreams and crushed hearts. “Why God?” We ask or would like to
ask. C. S. Lewis had similar questions and emotions after losing his wife:
Where is God? … Go to Him when your
need is desperate, when all other help is vain, and what do you find? A door
slammed in your face, and a sound of bolting and double bolting on the inside.
After that, silence (Lewis 17-18).
It’s painful to want answers for our specific problems and
feel like God isn’t listening. Scripture offers general advice and explanations
for the reason of suffering and hardships, but some days it doesn’t seem like
enough. One question just creates a cycle of more questions. As humans we start
experiencing strong emotions.
I have
often heard growing up that it’s sinful and wrong to be angry with God. I’m not
going to say this view is incorrect, because anger tends to lead to sinful
words and deeds. But anger is an emotion that Jesus Himself exhibited in
appropriate situations. Anger is a natural emotion. We all experience it and
some need to work harder than others to control their rage. I become angry when
I’m frustrated, upset, or lose control of a situation. Sometimes I realize the
cause of my anger, I seek to problem solve, talk about the quandary with
someone I trust, and/or turn it over to God. But sometimes rather than
selecting positive solutions, I tend to bottle up what I’m feeling and implode.
Somewhere along the way I internalized a need to be a good, Christian nice guy.
Anger
certainly can lead us to do and say bad things. But the anger’s there in our
gut nonetheless. C. S. Lewis honestly and transparently admitted, “Sometimes it
is hard not to say ‘God forgive God’” (Lewis 40). So what are we supposed to do
with all this anger we feel towards God? The Bible is full of examples. David
was a man who lived a chaotic and stressful life. People wanted him dead, there
was murder and incest happening in his family, and there was plenty of
suffering due to David’s own sinful choices. David’s life was full of tension
and pain. So what did he do? He expressed his sorrows and frustrations to God, especially through poetry, the Psalms.
David didn’t stuff the anger, He talked about it. David and Jesus both
proclaimed, “My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?” That’s a statement of
frustration, loneliness, rejection, and maybe even anger.
In my own
experience, I have embraced the idea of tension and wrestling. There are things
that I don’t understand and never will. There are days I’m furious with God.
There are days I say things to God in my prayers that I have to go back later
and apologize and repent for saying. But again, I emphasize that anger is a normal human
emotion. God expects it. If you’re feeling angry, you might as well share it with
God because He already knows! Like everything in life, we are in the process of
sanctification. That includes our prayer time. I assure you, we all have room
for improvement in our prayers besides our moodiness and frustration with God’s
will. But I do believe that through this idea of wrestling with God, He blesses
us. Our faith and relationship with God grows. Isn’t that how normal
relationships work? If we love someone, eventually we’re going to disagree with
them, probably even become infuriated, get into a verbal spat, feel guilty, ask
for forgiveness, receive forgiveness and agape love, and the friendship
strengthens throughout these experiences.
We are
called to trust God. Sooner or later, the anger will subside and we must admit
that there may not be a human answer for our predicament. That doesn’t mean
asking questions, expressing emotions, and reasoning through our difficulties are
worthless endeavors. God gave us brains, scripture, and community. We should
avail ourselves of these gifts. God doesn’t ask us to be doormats or
intellectually lazy and stupid individuals. But when everything has failed to
address our problems or anguish, we must submit to God’s providence and loving
care. Writing about Job, a biblical figure who suffered tremendously, Philip
Yancey writes:
A God wise enough to rule the
universe is wise enough to watch over his child Job, regardless of how things
seem in the bleakest moments. A God wise enough to create me and the world I
live in is wise enough to watch out for me (Yancey 106).
Yancey notes that God’s response to Job never really answers
Job’s questions. God does express His power over creation, His omnipotence and
creativity. As Annie Dillard remarked, “Who are we to demand explanations of
God? (And what monsters of perfection should we be if we did not?)” (Dillard
62).
Don’t be
afraid of tension and asking questions. God can take them. Having doubts
doesn’t make us unchristian or indicate we’re not children of God. These
valleys, dark nights of the soul, famines of the spirit all challenge us to
grow closer to God. In the end we must have faith that God has promised to
provide for and love us. When you’re angry, let Him know it and work through the
anger to reach a new understanding of God and your life. Yes, life hurts. It often
doesn’t make sense. But God commits to be there with you even when you
challenge Him to a wrestling match.
References:
Dillard, Annie. (1977). Holy
the Firm. New York
Lewis, C. S.(1961). A
Grief Observed. New York
Yancey, Philip. (1990). Where
is God When it Hurts? Grand Rapids ,
MI
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